I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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