I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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