I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
