It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
why is half of my head shaved?
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