So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
he was the first penis i touchedโฆ i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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