Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
