Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
