You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Of course I have a pirate flag
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
