Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
wow bdsm is so cute
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
