why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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