1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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