dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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