the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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