youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
