why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
