Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
