I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
