I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
