I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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