Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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