Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
