The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we're making bets on your personal life
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
