please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
