My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
