dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I am available for nakedness
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
