Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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