my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
