Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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