at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
