went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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