I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have already put on my inside pants.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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