Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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