Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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