my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
