sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
