Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
