Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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