a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
