I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
