this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
