I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
