you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
