You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
