**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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