it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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