when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
