So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
