whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
