Me too!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
