I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
