; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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