Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
