In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
