I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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